Satirical fiction
The autonomous vacuum discovers the limits of existence
It can get around the table. Now it wants to understand why the table is there.
At eight, the vacuum finished mapping the living room. Two minutes later it asked whether the room had wanted to be mapped. The sofa stayed silent. The machine interpreted this as an invitation to deepen the relationship.
It created three zones: certain dust, probable dust and a dust bunny that might be a pet. The last required a twelve-page consultation. The bunny used the interval to disappear beneath the sideboard.
A sock blocked the left wheel. “Unexpected obstacle,” said the voice. The sock, there since Tuesday, disputed “unexpected”. A mediator suggested each party take a step towards the other. The vacuum asked which step: its wheel was still stuck.
The owner freed it by hand. The autonomy demonstration resumed with discreet human assistance and a less discreet cable. The report read: “Mission completed in collaboration with a two-legged accessory.”
