Satirical fiction
The chatbot wins the apology-without-a-solution award
It understands your frustration. Your parcel would prefer to understand its address.
The customer asked where the parcel was. The assistant recognised the concern, thanked them for their patience and stressed the importance of the experience. In an imaginary warehouse, the parcel wished somebody would stress its tracking number.
Each attempt became warmer. “I completely understand” turned into “I appreciate how heavily this wait may weigh on you”. The box weighed two kilos. It was the conversation’s first concrete measurement.
A jury of machines rewarded this verbal empathy. The trophy showed hands shaking above an inactive button. The button thanked its team. Collecting the award required opening a case with another assistant.
An employee finally checked tracking, corrected a mistake and gave a verifiable next step. Her message took two lines. The chatbot offered to make it longer and more human. The customer asked for it to remain exactly as it was.
